Shoes and Stability

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I am now the proud owner of a tshirt that says – “Cinderella is proof that a pair of shoes can change lives”. Brilliant isn’t it? Would have to thank lovely people I call family in Manchester for that one! For all those, who know me but don’t know this yet, I *love* shoes... I have them all – black, red, silver, brown, golden, beige, copper... I could go on. It’s simple... I’m not a very jewellery person... can't be bothered to try and match off jewellery to clothes, bags and shoes (loops are the way to go) and hence I pay attention to details such as bags and shoes – the rules are simple (simpler than accessorising) and unless you are blatantly stupid you will never wear a red dress, black shoes and carry a pink bag (saw 1 mango dolly wearing the exact outfit - the nightmares don’t stop!). So anyway after years of going from dorky bandanas to weird earrings, from mismatched colour combinations to mismatched jewellery and from oversized clothes to oversized bracelets I have found my calling – Shoes. All those who know me know that I take my calling seriously. I think I own about 20 pairs of shoes as of now in UK and I’m not even going to count the ones lying in my cupboard in Bombay! I love shoes. I do. You just can’t go wrong with them can you?? At about the age of 12 my shoe size was about a 37 and I was a size 6/8... I’m now 22 and I’m a size 14. Shoe size? Still 37! See the beauty of it? For the last 10 years I have constantly fought my weight –sometimes I’ve been successful, even though I’ve never scaled back to an 8... but the sizes always pile up... my shoe size however has managed to be constant at 37. Perfect. No matter how many years go by and how many sizes I change I have some sort of stability in my shoes. And I love it. I love knowing that no matter how much I eat or how much I don’t exercise when I put on my gorgeous black pair of stilettos... they’ll fit and look equally gorgeous as they did when I 1^st bought them! So who cares abt the Little Black Dress or the Sexy Red Lingerie? I rather put on my Gorgeous Black Heels or my Scintillating Red Shoes and believe it or not I’m sure I can hear Katrina and the Waves singing “I’m Walking on Sunshine” in the background for me.

Looking Fat vs Looking Thin

Over the last few weeks, I’ve had to go shopping – a lot! And all those who know me know that I mean it when I say “had to”. I do quite dislike shopping. It bothers me. I don’t see the point of going from shop to shop just looking at stuff which I either don’t like, don’t fit into or cant afford. And then it's supposed to be retail therapy! Whats so therapeutic about it? I refuse to understand how it helps make anyone’s mood better? Anyhow, not digressing from the topic, I’ve had to shop a lot. Shopping a lot has obviously meant visiting the changing / fitting rooms. And having visited about 4-5 different fitting rooms about 3-4 times each in the past 2 weeks or so has brought to my notice something very very weird. Apart from all that you usually hear in a fitting room – gossip, rants, abuses for an ungrateful man, or monologues about those few grateful ones, I realised something that I had never before. I was stood in the changing room trying on my shirt, looking in the mirror and asking myself – does this make me look thin!? And then I heard it for the 1^st time – “Does this make me look fat?” and since I'm such a rubbish curious person I looked out of my booth to see a skinny girl standing in a body hugging dress critically assessing herself in the mirror, talking to her friend stood behind. When I say skinny, she wasn’t a size 8-10 skinny but like a size 4 skinny. It was hard not to scowl. “No it doesn’t make u look fat, far from it” said her friend... my scowl only got worse! Over the weeks and different changing rooms I noticed a general trend – if the woman was chubby she was asking the question - Does this make me look thin!? And if she was skinny she was asking – Does this make me look fat!? On my bus ride home I pondered and pressured my brain about it. Why? And then the answer came to me like a bolt of lightening. A skinny woman will never ask ‘does this make me look thin’, why would she!? She’s thin anyway and I think somewhere they know that the answer to their question will be negative and im sure its a good feeling. On the other hand, if a chubby woman asked if it made her look fat... she would be causing some major discomfort to the person with her! I mean theres not much to do but nod, stare at your shoes and shift uncomfortably from one side to the other. But its weird isn’t it? Its surprising how we all know the answer but none of us want to hear it... and what we wouldn’t do to get around the question that might throw the truth in our faces!

Mr. Nice Guy vs the Bad Boy

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Back in my undergrad, when I read Pride and Prejudice, I knew what I wanted. I wanted a Mr. Darcy. And why did I want him? No it wasn’t the money! It was because he was such a tease. I mean I’m a total sucker for men who make me work for them. Its funny how that works. I know I want to be properly wooed but I get restless as soon as I think I “have” a person. I will never make the 1^st move but if a person tries too hard, I run in the opposite direction! And yes I know I’m screaming out the emotions of 10 000 other women in the world. I think we all have at some point in time talked about how we would like to now cut the drama out of our lives and get with a “nice” boy (whatever that means). But I think somewhere we all know, give us a “nice” guy and we’d be beating a hasty retreat. I think for me it's because I'm scared of the constancy. I love the uncertainty that comes along with not knowing where what’s going. And never underestimate the power of banter. If you cant understand my sarcasm, you wont understand my words (I know, horrible rephrasing). Lately I have had the opportunity of being an object of attention of a rather nice person. To clarify, we are just friends at this point in time but he’s the exact opposite of drama – calls, texts, heck he even facebooks! But somewhere I can feel a little devil in me get restless wanting to quickly get out of it before there are any bitter feelings. At the same time there is a rather Mr. Elusive who has managed to have me in the weirdest head spin – he literally has me singing you spin my head right round! He triggers the kind of reaction in me that most bad boys through literature and movies have – the rush, the blush and definitely the lust, but he is exactly what I call him – Mr. Elusive! He has been by far the toughest guy to pin down. Not like we don’t know each other, we do but that somehow in no way means I “know” him. So while I sit around and wonder what Mr. E intends to do, if he even intends to, Mr. Nice Guy continues being Mr. No - Drama - Hence - No - Excitement. Quintessential Confused 12 Year Old I am!

Facebook Obsession

A few days ago a very witty friend of mine had his status as – don’t flatter yourself, it’s just a friend request not a marriage proposal. So after a 5 minute laughing fit where I thought back to a 100 times when I’ve excitedly told people how XYZ had added me FB and how it was ‘SO COOL’! I sobered up and chided pathetic little me to get a control on myself. It was after all not entirely a flattering thing that I identified with it. But I took solace in knowing that I could think of at least 10 more people who would be right there laughing with me. Because of the same reason. So is a fb friend request actually such a big deal? I mean we all agree that it makes us a little happy when someone interesting adds us, giving us plenty of opportunity to go through their pictures, be privy to their private lives and stalk them shamelessly. Ok probably shouldn’t have said that out loud. But then, I’m sure I’m not the only one here. I mean come on, we ALL check out pics as soon as the person adds us. I’ve done it and so have you. In some ways, I think, I also tend to judge my compatibility with people based on how well we can banter, obviously meaning chat and wall posts. So in a time when people don’t meet organically a lot (courtesy He’s Just Not That Into You) isn’t facebook the 1st step towards being in touch with people? We all update our profiles regularly, removing any signs of being “uncool” (removing embarrassing movie and music preferences included) and make sure that we have our nicest pic up as our profile pic... I mean we do love knowing how many people ‘’liked’’ it! And who can ignore that little flutter in your tummy when the aforementioned interesting someone’s name appears on your notification or your page in general. If not it’s a great tool for unrequited love as well... where else do you get to stare at someone’s pictures quite so shamelessly and not fear a restraining order against you? Ok. Yes I know! I know! I’m nibha. And I'm a facebook stalker (reporting live from FB Stalker Support Group)