You like me, you just don't know it yet’, he said laughing. Oh he's going to be trouble, I remember thinking. I knew he was going to be so much trouble when he held my hand as I slept in the hospital after a surgery. It was the only way I could sleep and so he held my hand. It was only natural then when after a month we started dating. It wasn't without our own little dance! God knows I resisted. Said no, walked away a 1000 times. But nope not him. He was persistent. Charming, funny and honest, he definitely set my heart racing and I knew my resistance was not going to last too long. It started off just as any other. We flirted, dated, laughed, held hands and were so into each other the world faded around us. When the highs came, they really were addictive and when the lows came, we rode it out. His patience and my trust allowed us to have the best time even when things became tough. He went from a neighbor to a friend to my best friend. Ann Arbor became our playing ground. We had our places - Frank's, tk Wu, broken egg, things we did - movies, video games, inside jokes and favorite plans. When things got tough with me he became the person I cried to, ranted with and depended on. Think you get the gist now - we were happy.

1 year, 2 months and 2 days. That’s how long it had been. I know it doesn’t sound like a lot, but to me it was. For an entire year, I was used to coming home to a person, a space we both occupied, shared kitchen, shared living area, planning for two and executing for us. Ann Arbor will forever be a place I associate with us. So when the call came as I was finishing my Christmas dinner, I was surprised. He was in India and more importantly he is not a caller, hell we both aren’t. I thought maybe it was just to wish me Christmas. As soon as I picked it up I knew things were going to fall apart for me. I don’t think he understands how well I know him, his nervous ticks and his tells. I knew this call was going to be different. And it was. He was sure and no matter how I reasoned and asked to understand, there was no changing his mind. Reasons, which by now have become immaterial were stated and that was that. My haven had been destroyed. It ended faster than I could wrap my head around it. His voice became words, words I could see were being relayed ever so meticulously – silently and with no hope, lest that’s a can I try and open again.

So that’s what it felt like. Sudden. And impersonal. It wasn’t like ripping a band-aid, FYI to anyone who says that to me next time. No, it was more like a surgery that leaves a scar – one that reminds you every day that it’s there. It isn’t a battle scar, you’re not valiant. You’re just not right. Worst part about this – he was my person from day 1 and now with 4 months to go, I need to reclaim Ann Arbor as mine, not ours. 

P.S: This is only my side of the story. I am sure it doesn't do justice to how or what he thinks about this. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to gain distance or maturity enough to be able to take that into account. Maybe this post after a few days would've been more balanced. But the truth is, this is the only way I can deal with being overwhelmed, so it was done now.