It’s funny how some people can just piss you off. Not because they spoke to you or even did something to you. No sir! It’s because they exist. Most times I have something to say to these people which I don’t end up saying out loud lest people should think I am rude! So here are the general categories of people who piss me off and finally my reply to them-
The couple that has a kissing picture on FB as their profile picture – Awwww! That’s you and your boyfriend! I can see the appeal of displaying yourself swabbing his tonsils on a public forum. I’m sure this is exactly what people had in mind while they sang and danced to ‘Khullam khulla pyaar karenge hum dono’. Kissing on camera is so “hawt”! (yes I hate it when ppl spell hot as hawt or god as gawd! Fuctards!)
The people who see me after years and say, oh, you’ve gained weight – Really?!?!!? No shit man!!! Thanks for bringing it to my notice. You’d think I’d notice considering I’m the one having to fit into my clothes yea?
People with pictures from Kala Ghoda Festival as their profile pictures – you went to KGF because it was free and big news. Not like you understood any of the pictures or installations so stop being a pretentious fuck and take it off. You look fat anyway.
People in office with weird phone habits – Ok so I get it, Falguni Pathak makes your world come alive with colours, snacks and every other gujju stereotype there is, but having her croon every time your phone rings – LAME. In fact anyone with their ring tone as songs and ad jingles is lame. This is your office, your work place, show a little professionalism and at least for these 8 hours let it ring, like a normal phone and not some hand held disco dandiya stall. And I get that it’s an important call but who is stopping you from stepping out to take the call? Next time you scream around my cubicle (especially in your mother tongue) I’m hurling my choicest abuses at you. In hindi.
People who don’t seem to understand the difference between you’re and your and they’re, there and their – Buy a rapidex if you need to but next time you confuse their usage I’m going to start typing offensive innuendos with these words. Also, English nahi aati toh hindi mein baat karo.
The old uncle/ aunty in bldg who suddenly sees me and says, my my, someone needs the gym – my my, someone needs botox!
The people who leave lift doors open – oh no, don’t worry about it. I just added the trudge up 4 floors to my workout today. I totally understand why you missed it, not like our lift door has a recording of a nasal bitch screaming “please close the door” every minute. Oh no wait, it does.
People who seem so affected/ concerned/ surprised by the fact that I’m still single – if I wanted, I could get more action in a day than u get, in a week!
Sleazy old uncles staring in public places – yes, those are my boobs and I’m a girl. I am also probably as old as your daughter/ granddaughter you sick fuck.
And last but not the least,
People whose only purpose in life seems to be nudging me during weddings saying, you are next – yes I may well be, but unless you have tonnes of boys lined up for me, STFU.
Yes, this blog was utterly pointless, probably just a platform to rant on. But it’s my blog and I can, so I will. You can STFU as well.
