Birthday Blog

All those who know me, know that I've had, for the lack of a better word, a motherfucker of a year. So this year on my birthday, I’ve decided to make a few conscious decisions. After all, how long can I keep saying a year older, none the wiser? This is to getting wiser

• I will treat myself kindly. There are so many things I wouldn't let my friends say or do to themselves. I will show myself the same consideration
• I will cut out people who don't bring me happiness. Over the past year I've let a bunch of toxic people dictate my self worth. In all honesty, you don't deserve even 1% of the importance I've given you in my life. Really, goodbye
• I will forgive people who knew nothing of my battles and chose to judge me and/ or laugh at me. It wasn't their fault. To an outsider it must've seemed like erratic behavior. Do I wish people had a little more kindness in their heart to make place for other people’s battles? Yes, I do. But it doesn't mean I expect that at all. I know better than that
• I will forgive people who knew of my battles and chose to walk away. I think that's a spectacularly smart choice and not everyone can make that call. The fact that you could, I salute you. Should you expect me to be there for you if misfortunes befall? I wouldn't stake my life on it
• I will no more make excuses for people who knew of my battles and chose to cause me more unhappiness. If instead of support in this phase, your words and actions have caused me more pain, I'm done making excuses for your presence in my life. I must have to be a special cause of stupid to continue. Please check yourselves out of my life. Your stay was appreciated but you've overstayed your welcome now
• A lot of people stood by me at my lowest. They picked up the pieces after the hurricane destruction I brought with me and still chose to fight this out with me. They reminded me every day that I was loved and there was a reason I was fighting. For that, I will forever be indebted. You know who you are and, God forbid, if there ever is a cloudy day, I'll be there for you till the sun doesn't start dancing to our favorite songs
• Beginning with restoring my back to full functionality, I will give my health utmost importance. I haven't been a 100% in a long time. It's time to rebuild the pieces and bring to the world a better, more complete version of myself
•  Over the two years I have neither danced nor cooked as much as I would've liked. Dancing and cooking have always been my passion and I will pursue these with utmost honesty. I might've forgotten to prioritize them but I won't anymore
• But most of all, I promise myself happiness. There is enough fucked up bullshit happening around me and enough people bringing me down. I do not need to add to this list. No. I will choose me from now on, every single time, and do exactly what I want. If in doing so I hurt you, I'm sorry. I truly am. But I need me right now and that's how I'd like to play it

Disclaimer: Over the past couple days I have had people sound more concerned than they really need to be about this post. It was a bad year coupled with a back injury and a lot of my "battle" has come from that. I'm extremely touched by all the concern everyone has shown me but I am doing well, thank you! This was just my attempt to cut out the drama for my birthday