Confession of a Commitment Phobe

When I came from Bombay to Manchester a lot of things changed... I changed as a person – my habits, my expectations, my take on life... it was as if I had rediscovered myself... not all for the best... but what the hell I enjoy being this way. Most times. One of the most major changes I went through was that I became progressively commitment phobic. More time I spent here, more the idea of a commitment became difficult to fathom for me. I met men – interesting ones, not so interesting ones, clingy ones, bad boys – think I’ve covered all types and they only reinforced my belief in the fact that I was better off without a commitment. In Manchester, I’ve made a few friends and there happens to be one specific friend who I’ve come to be really close to and the one thing that brings us this close is the fact that both of us are quintessential commitment phobic people. Last year we have bonded over numerous chats at random hours discussing men and our like/ dislike for them. It worked wonders for us. Misery loves company and there are a few things that work as well as bitching about men. But now this wonderful friend of mine is officially off the market. Yes recently my friend got a boy friend. For a while I had difficulties wrapping my head around it. No don’t get me wrong I was well happy for my friend... I think it’s wonderful but what really confused me was why this friend had abandoned ship and for whom? So on a random weekend I trudged up to this friend’s house to meet the boyfriend. It was wonderful. I absolutely loved him. And what I loved most was how visibly happy my friend was with him. It was amazing – my friend was laughing, glowing and in the last 1 and half year that’s the happiest I’ve seen this friend. As a girl its my business to notice small things – the comfort level between them, the fact that they knew each other’s fav singers, fav movie – yea those maddening small things that make you go awwww. And believe me when I say I was completely awwww-ed up by the time I got home that night. So for the 1st time in my one and half years here as a frolicking commitment phobic single I thought the words that seemed almost unreal to me – they almost make me want to NOT be commitment phobic. Its funny I even thought so. I chided myself almost immediately! I know myself... I’ll run in the opposite direction as soon as there even seems an opportunity! But I guess I just missed what could be – nothing like having stuff like this rubbed in your face. But for what its worth, this post is for that friend of mine, who reminded me of those small things in life that used to make me happy. And no this post isn’t some sort of an announcement about me returning to my old ways. I’m still very much a commitment phobic single, not giving that up in this life! ;) :P